My Parents & Guilt

Posted on February 1, 2014

Sometimes I get this thought that I can’t shake. I feel like the people who actually have CF have it easy. Yeah, CF sucks but I mean, I was born with it. I have had it my whole life, and it’s not something I’ve had to get used to. It’s just what I have known forever.
What I am saying is, my parents lived their whole lives as normal people. They got up, got dressed, went to work, came home, ate, went to bed. They had a routine. Then one day their whole lives changed when their child was diagnosed with CF. All parents want is a healthy baby, and they didn’t even get that.
I feel bad sometimes, that’s all.


2 Replies to "My Parents & Guilt"

  • admin
    February 14, 2014 (10:19 am)
    Reply

    I can understand how you feel, but what is a healthy child? Is it in your body, your mind, your soul? Is it better to be physically healthy but with a wicked heart?
    You bring love and strength to those around you, you bring unity and collaboration among family and friends, I know a lot of people who contribute a lot less.

  • Terry
    February 22, 2014 (8:52 pm)
    Reply

    Liz, I just read your post on “My Parents & Guilt.” You clearly are a very compassionate and caring person. I think you are absolutely correct when you say that your parents probably lived their lives as pretty normal people by getting up, getting dressed, going to work, coming home, eating and then going to bed. I have no doubt that this was probably their typical, normal routine. I also believe when you say, that their lives did change one day, but, for a different reason. Their lives changed one day because you came into to it, you became a part of the family. The normal, typical routine of a day did change…it was now filled with a new love in their life, a young girl that they completely embraced, welcomed and loved more than words could describe. You are also, absolutely correct when you say all parents want a healthy baby, but, once again I think for a different reason than you are thinking. When good parents have so much love for a child they certainly want their child to be healthy…they want their child to be healthy because they don’t want their child to struggle with the “normal routines in life”, they don’t want their children to be in any pain, to go through the slightest suffering. You have shown your parents what the meaning of love is, you have probably touched the hearts of your parents more than you can even imagine. Any disruptions, any changes in their routine, any thing that they were faced with, was faced with love and their determination to come to your “rescue.” Your guilt is understandable because this is the type of young lady you have become. While being a tough little cookie that you are (I think I can say this with confidence from reading your Chronicles, which by the way, can be hilarious at certain moments) you also think so much of those that are close to you, even to the point of putting other’s feelings before your own. The mere thought that you might be a burden doesn’t rest easy with you. Well young lady, I’m a pretty objective dude and I never say things to make people feel better. I say things that I feel are fact of the matter, don’t get me wrong I have a filter, but, I’m not going to say something just to make someone feel warm and fuzzy. With that said, I truly believe that your guilt is misplaced and unnecessary, I understand it, but, I don’t agree with it. There is nothing for you to feel guilty about. You are a young lady that has had to grow up faster than most kids and you are becoming a champion of a great cause. If I had a daughter like you I would be very proud of her and I would feel so terribly sad if she felt guilty because my “routine” was changed. Hang tough and don’t beat yourself up. I have a question for you, it’s rhetorical in nature, but, one you will completely understand. You are becoming an advocate by speaking on CF and spreading the word, so to speak. Will you tell these kids that they should feel guilty because they have disrupted their parents “routine” or that their once “normal” lives are no longer normal ? Don’t get me wrong, I am not judging you for how you feel. I’m just saying, you might want to re-think your guilt. Explain it to yourself, the same way you would explain it to another child with CF. What would you tell this child ? Would you tell them the guilt they feel is well deserved ? Or would you tell them this is just a normal process of how a caring and compassionate person may think…while we can’t be blamed for how we feel, we can make the choice to take a step back and be a little more objective. You are a smart and bright young lady, treat yourself just as well as you treat others (it’s almost the opposite of the Golden Rule which you clearly live by). Peace out Liz, I hope you have a terrific weekend.


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