Oh what an interesting  couple of days. What a mess. Where to start? How about I where I left off.

About two days ago I was woken up by my RT to do my treatment. He had a person following him around that day as a shadow person, kind of like in training. There are certain settings to the way treatments are done, and one of them is that it pauses every five minutes. I don’t like to do the pauses because when it pauses my muscles relax a bit and then once it starts back up it hurts until my body readjusts and kind of clenches up. I was about to tell him about that, but right when I said “but I can’t do this one because-” and he cut me off and yelled “IT’S JUST TWO EXTRA SECONDS ELIZABETH! JUST DO IT!” And I was about to tell him “Um, excuse me, don’t talk to me like that.” But I didn’t feel up to up to arguing. The nurse that was in my room at the time bringing me my pills made this shocked face. Once I got a word in edgewise about why I didn’t like the pausing he gave me all of the attitude and was like “Fine! Shut turn it off I will go ask the doctor.” He was really snappy, and he was short and rude with me. Once he left, the guy that was shadowing him told me “Oh my gosh, I am so sorry. I think he is grumpy because he has to have someone follow him all day.” And if that wasn’t bad enough, he went out and told my nurse I didn’t take my medicines and was hiding them in my bed. That is a COMPLETE lie. I had taken nearly all of my pills, except for my two very large, horse-pill sized vitamins, on top of my sheets, in plain view, because I didn’t want to take them while I was shaking, and was going to wait until after my treatment. One, it bothers me because that makes staff not trust me, and two, that could jeopardize my chances for a transplant. They could take me off of the list for non-compliance.

I told his boss about the incident later that day because I wanted to request a different RT for the rest of my treatments. When I told her about what happened she said to me “Can I just say, he is really kind of prissy, and honestly I think he bitches more than most of the women here do.” So we giggled. Haha. I like her, she’s fun. She bought me some Mountain Dew. 😉 I didn’t want to get anyone in trouble but the woman told me there were previous incidents with other patients and it needed to stop.

Yesterday, I had been up for 36 hours with maybe like two little two hour, lightly slept, naps in between. I was very lethargic and was kind of falling asleep in conversations and start sleep talking and didn’t make any sense. Once they told me I was sounding very confusing it started to worry me. I was worrying that I was having a neurological problem or a brain tumor or something, so I had a panic attack and they eventually had to give me haldol. I had had a couple major panic attacks before, including one during my chemistry final sophomore year of high school, where I blacked out and when I “woke up” I had claw marks all over my arm and it was bleeding. It was all kind of a nightmare and there was a lot of confusion with different people, problems with communication and a lot of overreacting.

So that’s how my stay has gone since HC:2 (Hospital Chronicles: 2)

Ttyl– Liz